|
VOLUME CONTROL
NEWSLETTERS
AUGUST 05
SEPTEMBER 05
OCTOBER 05
NOVEMBER 05
DECEMBER 05
KEEP THE VOLUME DOWN ON THIS
FEBRUARY 18
FEBRUARY 11
FEBRUARY 4
This Volume DJ contains one standard drink: Volume spies reported early on
Sunday morning that one of the night’s favourite residents was having a
particularly ‘quiet one’ on the alcohol side of things. The resident in question
would normally embrace frequent beverages throughout the course of a standard
set – mostly JD & Coke (note: no hint there, people … that’s the chosen drink
for at least 4 of your Volume faves!) – but was only sighted with one on
Saturday night. “He nursed one beer for the whole set, despite numerous offers
to get more from others in the booth with him”, exclaimed a startled witness.
“It’s not like he gets smashed every week, but it was pretty bloody weird only
seeing him have one drink for the night!” The reason for this serial JD &
Coker’s sudden bout of tea totaling? A monster night the night before … fair
enough, eh!?
JANUARY 28
I
started a record label and all I got was this t-shirt: Volume Control spies
reported early on Saturday night that one of Volume’s favourite residents was
sporting a new and exclusive fashion item – a wicked new t-shirt. “It was a
t-shirt for his new record label”, said one. “It was very cool – everybody who
saw it wanted one”, resounded another. It’s unknown whether this ridiculously
cool item of clothing enhanced the resident’s musical performance in any way –
mind you, he’s so darn good there’s little room for improvement! What did the
t-shirt say and what did it look like? Telling you that would give it all away …
JANUARY 21
Tiefschwarz – it’s German for ‘hilarious’, ya’ll: Volume Control spies reported
early Sunday morning that while signing 25 club flyers after their set, one of
the Tiefschwarz boys turned to the other and said ‘it’s like signing your girl’s
credit card bills’! They also reported that while signing one fan’s Inpress ad,
Ali signed his name four times – laughing maniacally all the while! What legends
– you gotta’ love em’!
JANUARY 14
Slipped a Mickey? Eyewitnesses reported on Saturday night that international
superstar DJ, Benny Benassi, has a ‘thing’ about opening his own bottles of
drink. Strange, yes. True, yes. “I saw one of the Volume booth team open a
bottle of water and hand it to Benny”, said one reliable source. “But he refused
it, grabbed a fresh bottle and opened it himself.” Further reports indicate that
this happened on at least four occasions during his set: each time a bottle was
opened for him, and each time he refused to drink from it and opened one for
himself. Volume Control HQ has no idea what to make of this extraordinary
behaviour, although odds on Signor Benassi has had an experience in the past
that has lead to it.
DECEMBER 17
Eyewitness told Volume Control early on Sunday morning that one of Volume’s
residents not only played one his first-ever homemade tunes on Saturday night,
but he was joined by one of Room’s bar staff for an impromptu ‘live PA’ jam
session. The results? Wicked, apparently. “The track didn’t have any lyrics and
the amazingly talented bar staffer not only improvised and created some on the
spot, she sang them like an Angel!” Could be the next big thing in the making
folks, and you heard it here first …
DECEMBER 10
Eyewitnesses told VC early on Sunday morning that The Floor Rocker was handed a
couple of mystery CDR’s by a fellow masked caped crusader, and subsequently
dropped them on the pumped-up citizens of New Bomb City. Holy Toledo, Volume
faithful, sounds like a sidekick could be lurking in the shadows!!
DECEMBER 3
Volume used as site for ‘Secret Weapons Testing’: Without uttering a word about
it, one of Volume’s favourite residents dropped his very first ‘homemade’ choon
on Saturday night. While witnesses in fantastic shoes and wicked tee’s would
normally report an incident like this to Volume Control HQ, due to the highly
secretive nature of this handmade weapon testing prevented anyone from knowing a
thing! The verdict from two people who were ‘in the know’, including Phil
Hartnoll? Put it this way … the latter requested his very own copy to take with
him … GOLD!
NOVEMBER 26
Funny, eh? Despite being
one of the forefathers of progressive tunes in Australia (remember Traveller’s
‘Believe’?) Volume resident favourite, Ivan Gough, rarely drops successive prog
tracks these days … upfront House (of every type) has been rocking his booth and
studio socks for the last few years – just look at TV Rock and his Deepface
remixes! But on Saturday night, the man we call ‘Ivy’ dropped one or two proggy
numbers in his two hour set (including Origene “Sanctuary”), and, as a gesture
to acknowledge its rarity took the opportunity to have a laugh. How? He wrote on
a piece of paper and held it above his head: ‘Proggy, eh?’ it said. Gold! God
bless the provision of pens and paper in the booth!
NOVEMBER 19
Seeing double = door
trouble: Several eyewitnesses sporting great new t-shirts and next season’s
trainers reported early on Sunday morning that, after consuming a plethora of
celebratory shots in quick succession, one of Volume’s favourite promoters had
ENORMOUS difficulty opening the door to the bathrooms – just a short time later.
“He’s normally on the ball no matter what the situation is – we call him ‘the
rock’. He can drink as much of anything he likes and still keep his nerve”, said
one of his mates, a trusted Volume Control spy. “So to see him grab at the door
handle four times before pushing it twice - when it’s clearly signed ‘pull’ –
was priceless enough … but then, to see him have to splash water on his face
before attempting again was simply champagne comedy”. While it is unclear
whether or not the main floor hedonist in question managed to open the door
successfully, more than a dozen witnesses confirmed his presence at the bar for
the majority of the night. “It was holding him up”, a cute (but anonymous)
source said. “So he could hardly go anywhere! Thankfully for him he didn’t need
to open any doors to stand there!!” Indeed.
NOVEMBER 12
Totally Jacked Off:
In what witnesses have described as ‘un-bloody-believable’, the main room
booth was thrown into chaos on Saturday night when the headphone input jack on
the brand-spanking new DJM1000 mixer decided to snap off and hang out in the
machines circuitry … The Volume Audio Investigation unit has narrowed the
precise time of the incident as being ‘somewhere between the time ‘DJ X’ pulled
his headphones out and ‘Headline Act X’ plugged theirs in’, although details
still remain sketchy. Despite numerous attempts by Room’s Audio SWAT Team to
perform vital recovery and revival operations, the DJM1000 remained unfit for
battle for the duration of the headline act’s show – leaving them with no
option, save plugging their cans directly into their shiny and impressive
sequencers. “The SWAT guys used screw drivers, gaffa tape, two Dolphin torches,
tweasers, plyers, mag lites … you name it and they were giving it a crack”, a
reliable witness told Volume Control. “They just couldn’t get that tiny little
bit of plastic out of the mixer under the conditions”.
NOVEMBER 5
Promoter Wins Booth
Immortality:
Eyewitnesses reported
fresh from the Main Room booth on Saturday night that one of Volume’s favorite
promoters has finally managed to immortalize himself within the hallowed four
walls of Melbourne’s biggest club night. How so? Well, according to a couple of
highly reliable sources, the computer that Jus and the lighting boys operate
their flashers and ‘giant lasers’ (Note: Austin Powers’ Dr. Evil accent a must,
there) from in the big booth is currently ablaze screensaver mode with the
following message: $%@#%$ IS ROOM! How did it get there? Who put it there? Who
cares? Volume Control’s scouts are on the case, but to be honest, this guy’s
passion and commitment would justify it staying there til’ we’re all rocking it
with our walking frames in the air at the retirement home for clubbers, in 2030
… the very same guy even gave GK a miss recently to keep Volume’s fires burning!
“A screensaver message is the least we can do”, said one of Volume’s exquisitely
dressed honchos … perhaps a plasma appearance is next on the cards? Stay tuned …
OCTOBER 29
Going black home!
Eyewitnesses reported with great exasperation on Saturday night that one of
Volume’s favourite regulars had felt so ashamed of themselves for not wearing a
black outfit from head to toe, that they caught a cab home (six suburbs away!)
to get changed into one. “They even got the cab driver to wait while they got
changed”, said one reliable source and Volume Control confidant. “I would have
liked to have seen the cabbies face when he realised this person was paying all
that money to change from a white pair of socks to a pair of black ones!”.
OCTOBER 22
Homemade Bomb – Be
Alert, But Not Alarmed: It’s always a special moment when a DJ who is
dabbling in production builds up the courage to drop one if their choons on a
packed floor … well folks, those of you who were on the dance floor in the big
room a stroke or two after the hour of 5am were oblivious to the fact that you
were seeing this exciting moment first hand, as one of Volume’s smoothest
residents dropped his own home-made bomb on your unsuspecting asses. Random
surveys conducted by Volume Control work experience kids, moments after the
weapon was deployed, yielded highly positive feedback … “wicked”, “rocking”,
“sweet”, “boo yah”, and “is my hair okay?” all featured frequently in
participant responses.
OCTOBER 15
Stalker’s Groove: Is That A Boiled Bunny In Your Handbag, Or Are
You Just Unhappy To See Me?
Eyewitnesses reported
early Sunday morning that one of Volume’s Main Room resident jock’s was more
than perturbed by the sudden and inexplicable apparition of one of his
ex-girlfriends in the writhing crowd. Sources close to the spinner told Volume
Control that the surprise visitor had been his partner for three years, ending
eight years ago in fiery circumstances. “Apparently she cheated on him and the
last thing he ever said to her was ‘you’re dead to me’ as he dumped a bunch of
her belongings on her middle-suburban nature strip!” said one of the informants.
“She’s obviously seen his name in Zebra and the like and decided to sneak in for
a sticky beak, and perhaps the one thing he never gave her: closure!”
Ex-girlfriends appearing at gigs to harass DJ’s is by no means a new phenomenon,
according to several of Volume’s residents. However, all agreed that Saturday
night’s incident was a particularly nasty and extreme case. So, did the jock in
question make contact with the bunny boiling face in the crowd? “Not at all, but
it did his head in!” a fellow resident reported confidently
OCTOBER 8
“I, the
undersigned, hereby confirm that the person presenting this Victorian Police
document is eighteen years of age and ready to do some serious rocking at
Room680”: Proving one’s identification can be a
troubling exercise at the best of times, but imagine turning eighteen and not
being able to prove it – simply because you haven’t got a driver’s license and
the Keypass office is located miles away and open at obscure hours. Eyewitnesses
in Volume’s stunningly beautiful and vivacious queue on Saturday night were both
stunned and impressed by how a young girl in the predicament outlined above,
managed to overcome all odds in the face of such adversity. “This cute young
girl approached the door staff and told them that she had turned eighteen that
day but couldn’t prove it”, said one onlooker with fantastic new tight Lee jeans
and a Summer 2006 Sass and Bide release printed tee. “The staff weren’t having a
bar of it, and rightly so, but then she pulled out a file complete with
everything from her birth certificate to her concession card, Medicare details
and to top it off … a signed statutory declaration from the Ivanhoe Police
station!!!” By all accounts, Volume’s friendly and jovial door staff were so
taken aback by the level of detail that the new clubber had carried with her,
and so impressed by the high level of organisation and care that she had
demonstrated that not only did they let her in to enjoy Melbourne’s biggest club
night, they flicked her a few drink cards to congratulate her on her highly
conscientious and thoughtful behaviour. All’s well that end’s well … the new
Volume inductee was apparently still rocking with 50 of her friends at 3:30am,
so it’s looks like the statutory declaration and accordion file proving her age
will get another run in the weeks, months and years to come!! Now, THAT’S
dedication, people …!!
OCTOBER 1
He ain’t
heavy, he’s one of my cousins … or, is he?
Eyewitnesses were astounded at the number of cousins that one of Volume’s Main
Room choon-chuckers appears to have, after a parade of them constantly entered
and exited the booth for the duration of his set on Saturday night – ‘appears to
have’ being the operative words, mind you! Short, tall, old, young, fat, thin …
you name it, they were there on hand en masse, and every one them touted
themselves as one of the jock’s ‘cousins’ to blag their way onto main stage, no
less. “I had no idea someone could have so many cousins”, said one witness, with
legs like Paris H and a strikingly similar behind. “I was dancing near the
entrance to the DJ booth and all I could hear were people saying ‘I’m his cousin
mate, I’m family, it’s cool’ before rocking onto the stage. I didn’t really take
much notice until about the fifth person did it, but after the twentieth I was
astounded”. However, in a twist worthy of any re-run episode of Diagnosis
Murder, sources close to Volume Control have since revealed that not
everybody was in fact ‘family’ – turns out at least ten of the booth-hangers
throughout the set in question were in fact a mixture of ‘old school friends’,
‘old clubbing buddies’, ‘old school friends of old clubbing buddies’, and (our
favourite) … ‘old school friends of old clubbing buddies whose cousins were old
school friends with even older clubbing buddies’. Look out if this spinner has a
birthday bash at Volume any time soon … rumour has it there will be no general
admission and three door charges that night: Cousins $10, Old Clubbing Buddies
$15, and Old School Friends $20 (or $15 upon presentation of specific High
School Yearbook).
SEPTEMBER 24
Last night a DJ saved another one from strife:
Eyewitnesses were shocked on Saturday night to see one of Volume’s favourite
residents have to enter the booth to rescue another of Volume’s favourite
residents from one of the boldest gurners in Volume history. According to
reliable sources with dazzling haute couture and voluptuous hair, what started
out as a simple and mutually polite ‘DJ to punter’ choon request exchange
quickly turned into an inexplicable and completely unauthorised storming of the
booth. A booth invasion, if you will. “The DJ and the punter were both smiling
at the beginning of their chat and all seemed normal”, said one bemused Volumite.
“But then the punter started trying to touch equipment and was clearly crossing
boundaries without care or consideration for consequences – I turned away for a
second but when I looked back, things were even worse … he’d managed to climb
his way into the booth from the back without the DJ knowing … it was completely
bizarre!” Thankfully for all concerned, ‘bizarre’ is the harmless way this
‘strange but true’ story panned out, too … “One of the other DJ’s was having a
boogie with his girl on the floor, saw what was going on, and made for the booth
quicker than a kid for a decorated tree on Christmas Day”, said another cute and
reliable onlooker. “He must have had a copy of ‘the Jedi Mind Trick For Dummies’
in his back pocket, or something, cos’ he sorted the guy out calmly and verbally
in a matter of nano-seconds flat”. All’s well that ends well: the harassed DJ
didn’t drop a single beat and the crusading one didn’t drop a single bead of
beer … as for the gurner with a serious case of booth envy? He was last seen
behind the counter of 7-11 at 7am getting his own packet of cigarettes and
debating his actions with the shopkeeper …
 |
Level One | 680 Glenferrie Road Hawthorn | 3122 | 9818 0680
Please note that this
email list is compiled by Room representatives. Your details will
never be given to another database. .
We do not want to send information to anyone who does not want to
receive it.
If you have received this e-flyer in error please accept our
apologies.
To unsubscribe and receive no further special offers
or news please reply to this email.
|
